Why do I write about family? Because it is natural. It is the ulmost violence in our life. I have to get it out.
What am I writing about? The contradiction between parents, children and their identity as an individual in society. But I have to compromise with every scholar who has written before me. I have to ask their opinion, answer their question.

The major conflict between me and history is the whole picture and the details. Historians are devoted to use details, to get down to the earth, to reflect on the actual characters and events. But what I want is more general, more overall ideas. Nothing is possible without down-to-earth materials, I need to be more careful.

我有毛病。
我不能确定自己说的是对的，但我认定了我自己是正确的。我认定了没人会理解我，就算理解了也没人会认同我。我自相矛盾，所以不断寻求又不断鄙视认可。什么都不能拯救我。我写出一篇好的硕士论文，成了博士，终于完成我想写的东西，我也不会高兴。我只会惧怕，不仅惧怕自己是错的，更惧怕自己是对的。
我该怎么办？

最重要的是，你在过着一种双重标准的生活。

活着就是一种自我折磨。

老三你这是抑郁了？？