As I sat in the sun on the wooden dock that jutted out into the pond,
I knew this to be true:
my name was Buddy,
and I was a good dog.
The fur on my legs was as black as the test of me,
but down at my paws it had,
over time,
become tinged with white.
I had lived a long and full life with a boy named Ethan,
spending many lazy afternoons on this very dock,
here on the Farm,
enjoying a swim or barking at the ducks.
This was the second summer without Ethan.
When he died I felt a pain inside me much sharper than any other I’d ever felt.
Now the pain was less,
more like a stomachache,
but I still felt it all the time.
Only sleep soothed it away—
in my sleep,
Ethan ran with me through my dreams.
I was an old dog and knew that someday soon a much deeper sleep would come,
as it had always came for me before.
It came for me when I was named Toby,
in my silly filly first life,
when I had no real purpose but to play with other dogs.
It came for me when I was named Bailey,
when I first met my boy and loving him became my whole focus.
It came for me when I was Ellie,
when my job was to work,
to Find people,
and to Save them.
So when the deeper sleep came for me next,
at the end of life,
as Buddy,
I felt sure that I would not live again,
that I had fulfilled my purpose and there was no reason for me to be a dog anymore.
So whether it happened this summer or the next didn’t matter.
Ethan,
loving Ethan,
was my ultimate purpose,
and I had done it as well as I could.
I was a good dog.
And yet…
I knew this to be true:
my name was Buddy,
and I was a good dog.
The fur on my legs was as black as the test of me,
but down at my paws it had,
over time,
become tinged with white.
I had lived a long and full life with a boy named Ethan,
spending many lazy afternoons on this very dock,
here on the Farm,
enjoying a swim or barking at the ducks.
This was the second summer without Ethan.
When he died I felt a pain inside me much sharper than any other I’d ever felt.
Now the pain was less,
more like a stomachache,
but I still felt it all the time.
Only sleep soothed it away—
in my sleep,
Ethan ran with me through my dreams.
I was an old dog and knew that someday soon a much deeper sleep would come,
as it had always came for me before.
It came for me when I was named Toby,
in my silly filly first life,
when I had no real purpose but to play with other dogs.
It came for me when I was named Bailey,
when I first met my boy and loving him became my whole focus.
It came for me when I was Ellie,
when my job was to work,
to Find people,
and to Save them.
So when the deeper sleep came for me next,
at the end of life,
as Buddy,
I felt sure that I would not live again,
that I had fulfilled my purpose and there was no reason for me to be a dog anymore.
So whether it happened this summer or the next didn’t matter.
Ethan,
loving Ethan,
was my ultimate purpose,
and I had done it as well as I could.
I was a good dog.
And yet…